What to do if your therapist upsets you

Therapy is often thought of as a safe and supportive space — and ideally, it is. But even in a strong therapeutic relationship, there may be moments when something your therapist says or does doesn’t sit right.

You might feel misunderstood, frustrated, hurt, or even disappointed. These moments can feel confusing, especially in a space that’s meant to feel safe.

These moments can happen

Even in thoughtful, well-intentioned therapy, misattunements can occur.

Your therapist may interpret something differently than you intended, say something that doesn’t land well, or miss an important part of your experience. When this happens, it can bring up real and valid emotional responses.

Your reaction matters

If something feels off, it’s worth paying attention to.

You don’t have to immediately dismiss your reaction or assume you’re overthinking it. Your feelings — whether it’s discomfort, irritation, or hurt — are meaningful and deserve space.

It can feel hard to bring up

Many people hesitate to tell their therapist when something doesn’t feel right.

You might worry about being awkward, hurting their feelings, or not knowing how to explain what bothered you. In some cases, it may even feel easier to pull back, change the subject, or stop therapy altogether.

Talking about it can be part of the work

If it feels possible, bringing it into the room can be an important part of the process.

Therapy isn’t just about what you talk about — it’s also about how you experience the relationship itself. Naming a moment where something didn’t feel right can create space for clarity, repair, and a deeper understanding of your needs and boundaries.

A responsive therapist will be open to it

A therapist should be able to hear your experience with openness and care.

This doesn’t mean they will always get everything right, but they should be willing to listen, reflect, and take your perspective seriously. These conversations can strengthen the sense of safety and trust over time.

You also have the right to choose what feels right for you

Not every therapeutic relationship will be the right fit — and that’s okay.

If something consistently doesn’t feel aligned, or if your concerns aren’t being received in a respectful or thoughtful way, it’s valid to consider whether continuing feels supportive for you.

Therapy includes real relationship

Therapy is a human relationship, which means it can include moments of misunderstanding as well as moments of connection.

What matters most is whether there is space for honesty, reflection, and repair — and whether you feel respected and supported within that process.

A gentle reminder

If something in therapy has left you feeling unsettled, you don’t have to navigate that alone or silently.

There is room in therapy for your full experience — including the moments that feel complicated.